Angry, upset rant below.
I’m so sick of seeing couples around me. So. Sick. Of. It. All. I hate these constant reminders of the one part of my life that has never worked out. And it’s definitely not for a lack of trying. I hate seeing them do coupley things. Even the little things that I happen to catch. They kill me. Every time, it’s like a needle digging into my already battered self-esteem. I’m sick of seeing all this, while I struggle to bar my emotions from stirring. I’m petrified of going down that path again. For the most part, I’m pretty good at keeping this hidden. I just turn away, force a smile, and move on with my day. But at night, if I’m unfortunate enough to be thinking about these things before I fall asleep, they smother me. I can’t sleep. It’s like I need to bleed out the negativity through my tears and stifled screams before I can throw myself into the oblivion of sleep. And then I wake up, cover up my puffy eyes with makeup, plaster a smile on my face, and hide behind my wall of confidence. Life goes on.