More and more, I’m realizing that despite how much I want to feel like I belong somewhere, in the end I can only belong in whatever world I make for myself. Trying to fit myself into others’ worlds is pretty futile and just depressing; that’s not how things work. You either are a part of their world or you aren’t. No matter how hard you try, you can’t make someone see you as an essential part of their life. I don’t like it, it makes me terribly sad at times, but the truth is that I’m on my own. I try to say all this as resolutely and emotionlessly as I can, but it’s actually a facade of independence that I put up every day. I keep myself busy partially to give truth to this lie, but mostly to keep my mind occupied. Left to its own devices, my mind rips me of all my confidence and leaves me wondering at times if anything is worth it…a cognitive dissonance… What am I working so hard for? Will a successful career make me happy? I care so much for my friends, but do they even value me half as much as I treasure them? I try so hard to be the best person that I can be, but how come no one ever cares? Do I even make a difference? Why do I always feel so alone? How much longer will I feel this way? Why can’t I just be happy? Turning 20 was depressing. Two decades had passed, and I was as lonelier than I had ever been. Turning 21 is going to be even more depressing. Another year has gone by without anything changing. If anything, my self-esteem has only diminished. I don’t have much hope for my last year of college. It’s just going to be a year like all the rest. The only difference is my growing awareness of my isolation.