Transience

It feels like I’m always running.
To find someplace better, to reach a goal, to catch up, to get away from the present, to hide from the past.
I don’t know what I’m searching for, but I can’t stay here.
The passing of time is my source of hope and inspiration. Somewhere, sometime in the future, I’ll finally feel at ease. At home.

Aug 27th (+1)

One more month until my birthday! What should I buy for myself this year?

  • Bialetti 6799 Moka Express 1-Cup Stovetop Espresso Maker
    (Bought! Can’t wait to try it out :3)
  • Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue Perfume
  • Street backpack
  • Flat-billed cap
  • Diptyque candle
  • new running shoes
  • Tea pot for loose-leaf teas

…to be continued~

Aug 23rd (+2)

urbanoutfitters:

Move over, we’re comin’ in too. (Photography by Magdalena Wosinska)

haha I love this

Aug 22nd (+715) via / source

de-la-valliere:

梅 * 10 by * chibi * busy again… sorry on Flickr.

Aug 22nd (+7) via / source
"I’m just dying to say, “Hey, do you ever feel like jumping off a bridge?” or “Do you feel an emptiness inside your chest at night that is going to swallow you?” But you can’t say that at a cocktail party."

—Paul Gilmartin, The Mental Illness Happy Hour (via alibis-not-needed-anymore)
Aug 21st (+55704) via / source
"You never get to the point where you think “I am the adult”, but you do get to the point where you think “I’ve dealt with this before.” The older you get, the higher and higher the percentage is of things you’ve already been through. Have you ever changed a tire? Had a flat tire? Someday, you might, and the next time it happens, you’ll know what to do, since you’ve already done it."

—My dad. I’m 24, and asked if you ever shake the feeling of not being an adult, and this was his response. Probably the most comforting thing he could have said. (via splitterherzen)
Aug 21st (+91834) via / source
"Nothing can wear you out like caring about people."

—S.E. Hinton, That Was Then, This Is Now (via bl-ossomed)
Aug 20th (+329000) via / source
Blake Lively & Beyoncé on the set of ‘Run’.

um um um o.o! 2 of my idols together

Aug 17th (+196) via / source

Before I fall asleep

I want to get this down so I won’t forget.
What if I was blindly forcing myself to forgive you? Your apology didn’t sound sincere, but I accepted it at the time and told you that you were still an important friend to me. I said that I wasn’t angry or upset but that I felt dumb.
And that’s the problem isn’t it? I never let myself get angry at you for hurting me. Instead, I blamed myself. I wanted to hurry up and get over you so I could stop burdening you with my feelings and go back to you…and not because I wanted to heal.
Realizing this is a bit shocking.

Ultimately I do want to forgive you. (Letting go of anger and grievances is one of my good points, though I may have done it to an extreme.) But maybe I don’t want to forgive you yet.
Instead of pushing myself and setting deadlines, I want to try letting myself heal naturally. That way we really can be comfortable friends in the future.

Now I can see that I have done similar things before. Last time I felt so betrayed by the two people I thought were my closest friends, but I never let myself get angry. Internalizing that pain and not letting it out messed me up a lot. Honestly, I think it was from that moment that I began to feel worthless. I hated myself for resenting them and got myself to believe that I deserved everything I was going through. I was a bad person after all who couldn’t even be happy for her friends.
It’s been years since that happened and I’ve sincerely forgiven them by now, but I wonder how things may have been different if I had only stood up for my feelings at the time instead of running away.

Aug 15th (+1)

LET ME SEE

by 제이와이제이 (JYJ)

►played 344 times

kpopsongoftheday:

JYJ - Let me see

So good. Another one of my faves from this album.

Aug 15th (+20) via / source

Does depression ever get better? Or is it actually a matter of learning how to better cope with it?

I stopped going to therapy because there wasn’t any more progress. The sessions gave me a sense of why I feel this way and maybe how my depression developed, but it didn’t change the fact that I feel this way.
And it doesn’t help that I go through phases: okay days, the rare good day, and then the really bad days. I never know if I’m getting better or if I’m just cycling.

I am a bit concerned though. Over the past year, the times that and ease with which I think about hurting or killing myself has increased. There have only been a couple of times when i was seriously tempted, but for the most part, I’m pretty certain I won’t actually follow through.
Actually, I think it’s kind of like sleep to me- a way to stop thinking about everything else. It’s strangely calming. Yesterday, I started to think about if I could actually kill myself by stabbing myself in the heart. I concluded that I’d probably fail. (I think I’d need to be more familiar with thoracic anatomy and physically stronger to have a chance of succeeding.)

Anyway, the point is that I certainly don’t feel like I’m getting better. And I feel like the longer I cycle through these phases, the darker my thoughts will end up.

But as a highly functional person, I think I’ll get through life okay. And it’s a good thing I’ve landed myself in the medical world where there’s no lack of responsibilities and routines, two things that I can fall back on to push (or drag) me through a rough day.

Aug 14th (+0)

pumpkinsandsweaters:

Pumpkin Pie BagelsSeasons and Suppers

these exist? :O

Aug 14th (+810) via / source
Aug 12th (+904) via / source

ughpsh:

Robin Williams, Sam Taylor-Wood

RIP Robin Williams

Aug 12th (+10089) via / source
"I am waking to find what life may hold. I’m looking for hope. Hope that life might still be worth living, and grace to accept what I must live without."

Richard Paul Evans, The Road to Grace (via 4dele)
Aug 12th (+57) via / source